I have Social Anxiety

A picture can say so much, yet it can hide even more.....

Every day we see thousands of pictures and videos on social media that depict perfect lives of sunshine, happiness and eternal freedom. Seeing beautiful images that inspire and uplift the soul is so important but at the same time I feel there needs to be some honesty.

I love sharing pictures of my life that I know will bring inspiration and joy to others but I feel it’s just as important to share the other side of my journey that is a little darker. This is not to depress or bring anyone down but rather to help them feel that they are not alone and that they too can get through it.

Like many people, I too have suffered dark moments.....from losing my dad at a young age, overcoming 2 eating disorders to most recently struggling with chronic anxiety.

Each one of these traumas carries much pain and darkness and when you are in the middle of it, it often feels like there is just no way out.....

My first signs of anxiety happened last year January when I was driving back from a wonderful Xmas holiday to start another year in CT. As much as I love Cape Town, something deep down just didn’t feel right. It was like a little voice in me saying “You shouldn’t be doing this....”

I think somewhere in my heart I knew it would be my last year, but what I didn’t know is that my body would let me know I should have turned around that moment I felt that feeling.

My first anxiety attack happened while diving to visit a friend.....It felt like I could get enough air in. My heart was racing, I felt faint and my palms were sweating. I called my boyfriend Paulo, to come and fetch me because I just couldn’t drive.

It was scary but somehow it didn’t sink in as a warning sign that something was wrong.

My next 2 anxiety attacks happened while teaching a spinning class, except this time it came with more physical symptoms of choking and gagging! It was terrifying, embarrassing, scary & traumatizing. After that I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t pin point what it was. Looking back, it was my body telling me to stop doing something I didn’t want to do anymore.

Like many people, 2016 was also a hard year for me, emotionally and mentally especially. My boyfriend and I had a very difficult time and I thought we wouldn’t make it, I lost 2 very close friends, I worked 3 jobs, moved 3 times and struggled with coming to terms with where I was in my career and what I wanted to do.

As the year came to a close, the anxiety grew and grew. I was literally counting the hours to leave Cape Town because I thought it was the life I needed to end to help end this feeling I was feeling inside. If it wasn’t for some of my friends and clients, I don’t know how I would have got through those last 2 months in Cape Town. I am so grateful for their love, care and support xxx

I left Cape Town and it was a sense of relief and I truly thought I was leaving my anxiety behind me.....but sadly that wasn’t it. There was something deeper inside me doing on and it felt as if I needed to get it out.

I was so scared on the feeling (choking and gagging) that I was too scared to go out in public. Basically I feared the possibility of it happening in public and as they say “fear feeds off fear.....the more you fear, the more it will be there”.

I started to google to find out if anyone else experienced this choking feeling during stressful and anxious times in their lives and if it had started to control their life. To my surprise there were so many people who were struggling with the same thing. Many gave suggestions of what to do and how to deal with it but no one really had an answer to overcome it once and for all. It was almost as if you had to just accept that it will be there for the rest of your life.....

I didn’t want to believe that. If my life had to stay like this I didn’t want to live. The feeling was just too much.....I was too scared to visit my friends, I was too scared to go out into any social setting, I felt constantly trapped in my own body and mind by this fear of the possibility of having another episode. I can now see how anxiety can turn to depression and even suicide if not treated.

I chose to go to a psychologist for hypnotherapy and as much as I can appreciate their expertise and how it helped certain aspects of my life, it wasn’t hitting the spot .....it wasn’t. I refused to take medication because that just made me zone out, feel drowsy and out of it. Medication just masks the physical symptoms and doesn’t address the problem......because ALL anxiety as an underlying cause.

I then chose to go to a doctor here in Wilderness Garden Route. I have gone to Dr Jon Morley for years because he is so accurate with his diagnosis and he addresses everything in a holistic sense. He actually listens to what you are saying, he researches and questions and he doesn’t hand out medication for the sake of it. He gives you feedback, advice and natural alternative medication that heals and not harms.

Very often chronic fatigue comes with anxiety as prolonged exposure to stress on the body can lead to adrenal fatigue and unbalanced hormones and I needed to address this side of my challenge as well.

I describe my events of the past year and how it led to this bizarre anxiety attacks and extreme exhaustion. To my relief he said “I know exactly what you mean and I know exactly what you need”.....Oh my God, I felt so relieved. He prescribed a mild natural anti anxiety sedative, sent me for some blood tests to see what I was lacking and needing and then he referred me to Izak Barnard, a specialist in TRE and EFT.

TRE stands for Trauma Release Exercises otherwise known as “tremoring” and EFT stands for tremor Emotional Freedom Technique otherwise known as “tapping”. Just after the first session I could feel something inside me change.

What Izak teaches and shares is too much to share in this blog but all I can say, the body and mind is an intrinsic, entwined & integrated system that works so in sync with each other it is fascinating and mind blowing.

He warned me it is hard and not the “easy way out” because one delves deep into emotions, past traumas and distressing events that have influenced and shaped the person I am today. Izak described it as pealing an onion. You go layer by layer discovering and treating things that come up and it gets worse before it gets better. I didn’t care; it was the first time I felt I had found an answer and way out.

I can understand why many people take the “pill” option to numb out the feeling and pain. It’s not easy digging up painful events and memories....its fucking hard, upsetting and heartbreaking at times (speaking of the loss of my dad), but ALL of these events contribute to what one experiences later in life, physically and psychologically.

I am about 6 weeks in and I can honestly say my life has started to feel normal again. YES, there will be bad days and YES there is still a lot I must deal with but I can honestly see light now when once there was just darkness. Everyone heals in different time periods. Some take 6 days others take 6 months but ALL have positive results!

That is my journey so far with anxiety. It is a very complex disorder that is hard to describe and even understand especially for someone looking in from the outside. There is no bruise or cut to say “I am hurting, something is wrong”.....there is just a feeling, a fear you can’t even describe properly.

I am sharing my story because I want to help others out there who are going through the same or similar challenges. I HIGHLY recommend you see Izak Barnard to try TRE & EFT, it is truly an answer and a practical technique that will give you relief and freedom from that fear and weird feeling inside.

Sending you much love and support to those who are struggling.....you can get through this!

http://www.izak-barnard.com

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